JUST THE HEART...

DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER?

ARE WE SOULMATES?

OR JUST SOMEONE...

TO FILL THE HOLLOW HEART...

THE BROKEN AND BLEEDING HEART...

WHICH SOMEHOW WILL NEVER HEAL

NO MATTER WHAT IS DONE

IT JUST BLEEDS...AND BLEEDS....

AM I COMPLETE NOW?

INTUITION TELLS ME NO..

SO HOLLOW AND THERE'S NO CURE..

IS THIS HOW MY LIFE STORY PLAY OUT?

I'M SO NUMB WITHOUT A DROP OF ANSWER

STILL HOLLOW....

IT'S GETTING DARKER HERE...

XOXO

SEXILYBLUR79

Chronology of my life for the past 2 years...

It has been a very, very, very....long time since I jot down any thoughts, memories, experiences or even adventures here...wow, it has been nearly 2 years... okay, how shall I begin then...hmmm.. I guess it would be best if I arrange my sequence of events chronologically then....

13.10.2009 : Engagement date!!!!

Yup, I've got engaged!!! The girl who never really believed in marriage is now going to settle down. I'm not surprised when there's countless people, from all walks of life, came to me and told me "FINALLY". Honestly, what does that even mean? You know, for a society who claims to be proper, polite, tight-lipped and all, we are actually a bunch of mean people...

Now let's recap... so, what's wrong with getting married late??? I wonder too, when exactly is late?? There are lots of news in the paper that some even got married when they are over 100s...so, when exactly is late?? Plus, they are judgemental and really mean... What they don't get is, it is not an easy task to find someone you're comfortable with, let alone good quality man these days...sigh..sigh..

I get all these craps before I announced that I'm getting engaged...whoaaaa...seriously irritating..why can people just be open to thinking that perhaps there are people who are comfortable and satisfied with just themselves...so, respect that please...

Now, I feel a lot better after pouring my irritated thoughts out...hehehe...Let's talk about after getting engaged then...More pressure I guess...from the same people unfortunately...even only after a day being engaged!!!! can you believe these people??? I don't...

A lot of preparation is needed and there's too much details to take care of and the list just keep going on and on and on.....and still going....However, I'm doing all my way and not because i want to please people but sincerely, I want to have a good day without looking like I'm going to explode, i hope..haha

The beauty of getting engaged is overwhelming for me...in a good way, I mean.. I have someone who accepts me the way I truly am, with baggage and all... That's hard to find..I'm surrounded by loving families and close friends..what more to ask in life?? It's really a good feeling....

You know, after going through life's ups and down, I guess I had a big fat share then, now everything in the past really is staying in the past...I really cannot imagine how my life will be in the future and I'm more than happy to see what's in store for me...it's another phase, another adventures, another thrill and excitement, another obstacles and so on...but, it doesn't make me fear the unseen...Hence, being engaged and going to get married are really the most beautiful colour in my life so far... I'm enjoying the comfort, the love, the lust, the desire, the needs and the company, of course...

For my muchacho, I love you...truly..though I didn't say it much, but trust me...it's really THERE!! Muaxzzzzz

xoxo

2DO list Before I die...

Before I proceed, I would like to make a confession here. I came across a very interesting book to read and it changes my perspectives in life...huhu..that's hard to come by.. It's by Micheal Ogden and Chris Day. I then realised that, hey, I've missed quite a lot these past few years and now it's time to do justice to myself. Hence, I come out with my own list of 2DO things before I die... hmmmm...It's quite a number but I don't mind sharing. It keeps me focus and hope to be a better person from now on..Hope you find your own list mates... Cheers..

My 2Do list before I die..

Look up an old friend (Hani especially)

Plant a tree successfully (the last time was disastrous)

Do absolutely nothing (I'm trying very hard at it..)

Have my own crib (still trying...)

Start exercising (I need more motivation for that..hehe)

Repay my debt to society (do more good and help the RIGHT people)

Have a pet (probably a cat or any tame animal that don't die easily..hehe)

To be a better teacher

Perform live (again...hehe)

Learn to dance (so I don't have the same moves till 80..hehe)

Publish a book or more books and be a great author.

Start a family and have junior me (huhuhu...)

Please my parents so they will feel proud of raising me...

Honeymoon in the Galapagos Islands...(nice...)

Study till I get a PH.D

Overcome my fear (SNAKE!!!!!!)

Take more photos that potray my life in the fab lane...

Make more trustworthy, great friends...so I have great circle of friends till I die..

Travelling to as many countries and explore different cultures and people.

Instill more moral values in myself so I will be a great individual.

Own a few manolo Blahniks...huhu

Start horse riding again..

Not worrying what others think

Appreciate myself and not expect others to do so..

Have a muse (hmmmmm...)

Be more money savvy

Bungee jumping (yowzah!!!)

Scuba diving and enjoy nature

Find out the roots of my biggest, darkest secret.

Errrr...Start voting

Start recycling and use natural resources wisely

Go for medical check-up annually

Read more books (not just chic lit, must be balance)

Start trusting my gut.

Love and be loved

Hang out with family and friends as often as I can

Learn to share

Fall in Love and enjoy the gigling feeling..huhu

Have 'our' song

Open a bookshop

Pay off my loans.

Edit a newspaper

Teach in Africa for a year

Start scriptwriting

witness a birth

Write a will.

Organise all my photo albums

Rewatch my favourite kids' TV show (Blossom)

Smoke a joint in Amsterdam (again...hahaha)

Take a mud bath

Redecorate my home

Try pilates

Bake my own cake...

Take a ride in a helicopter

Wear a wig...(wakakakaka)

Conquer an addiction.....

Donate blood..

Leave money for strangers (probably in library books..)

Swear less often..

Learn sign language

Read a book a week

Know my rights

Have my own library in my own home

Write more poems

Audition for a play

Do body paint

Well, i guess that's all for now since I can't think of more...but trust me, I will. Hope you have a long list too and enjoy fulfilling each one of it. May we all have great, meaningful lives onwards. Cheers..

CAUGHT IN BETWEEN

CAUGHT IN BETWEEN...

YOU WALK INTO MY LIFE,

AND EVERYTHING'S CHANGING,

AT TIMES IT IS FLATTERING,

AT OTHER TIMES, IT IS FALLING.

I'M CAUGHT IN BETWEEN,

BETWEEN THINGS THAT I NEVER ASK FOR,

BUT THE FACT THAT IT IS REALLY HAPPENING,

AND I GOT THE BLAMING.

PUT ME BACK TO REALITY,

WHERE I CAN BREATHE HAPPILY,

WHEN SOMEONE CAN NEVER STOP ME,

FROM ENJOYING REALITY.

DON'T PUT ME BACK IN HISTORY,

ITS PAIN STILL STICKIN' IN ME.

I HAVE FOUGHT FOR MY DIGNITY,

STEAL IT BACK FROM THE ONE WHO'S STOLE IT FROM ME...

DON'T TELL ME YOU GONNA STEAL IT FROM ME,

FOR I KNOW, YOU DON'T OWN ME.

XOXO

SEXILYBLUR79

Beautiful Creature

BEAUTIFUL CREATURE

WHEN YOU STARE,

I FEEL YOUR WONDERFUL EYES,

WHEN YOU SPEAK,

MY HEART BURNS WITH FLAMES,

WHEN YOU TOUCH,

MY BODY REACTS PLEASURELY,

BECAUSE YOU ARE A WONDERFUL CREATURE.

WHEN YOU LAUGH,

MY HEART LAUGHS ALONG,

WHEN YOU SING,

MY HEART IS JUMPING,

WHEN YOU WINK,

I FEEL LIKE FLYING,

BECAUSE YOU ARE A WONDERFUL CREATURE.

WHEN YOU THINK,

MY EYES ARE ADMIRING,

WHEN YOU FEEL,

I FEELL LIKE CLUTCHING,

WHEN YOU ASK,

MY THOUGHTS ARE DREAMING,

ALL BECAUSE YOU ARE A WONDERFUL CREATURE.

XOXO

SEXILYBLUR79

Strong..

STRONG

Strong is abstract,

So subjective and it hurts,

Hard to define and attracts,

It just blurts.

To be strong it takes awhile,

Not to be only take seconds,

Obstacles is the enemy,

The lost of it is scary.

Physical, mental, spiritual and emotional,

Are at stake as far as strength is concerned.

To achieve it takes times,

Once you have it, your life rhymes.

It often comes and goes,

You could never predict the flows,

May it last nor short or long,

You only have to play along.

Sometimes it’s joyful sometimes it’s dreadful,

No choice cause it’s always handful.

Can’t ignore it, can’t even keep it,

Only choice, just cherish it.

May it comes, may it goes,

Life brings it, you will never know.

Be it good, be it bad,

But it is often very sad.

You shall jump, you shall fall,

Usually, it is your downfall.

Let it be, let it live,

For always, it is to be believed.

xoxo
sexilyblur79

Hollow Love..

MY HOLLOW LOVE..

You are always an angel in my life,

You shall rose and build a life,

Forever it takes, forever it last,

For you are so special ever last.

Our love is pure, however stained with sorrow,

It’s always dark for every tomorrow.

Try hard, try smart, try all you might,

For it could never resist your sight.

Be true, be real and be truthful,

Even though your life is too handful.

Could not let go, could not forget,

For God had planned and then we met.

By chance, by fate, by cupid arrow,

My love will grow deeper tomorrow,

Though hard, though rough and even it’s tough,

My heart will beat no matter how rough.

Either run, walk or even crawl,

I could never let my baby fall.

Let fire burns down all hatred,

For there is no guarantee altered.

You are fine and you are noble,

The sweetest being who is also humble.

Proud of you and always do,

For thy never shy to say I do.

Throw me away with all you might,

You could never forget even my sight,

For I am your heart, your heartbeat and soul,

As long as it beats till we grow old.

To have, to be and forever to hold,

Obstacles could never put us on hold.

Till my body rotten and my life stop,

Will love you no matter how hard I will drop

Xoxoxo

Sexilyblur79